Living together in a roommate situation is an important part of your college experience. It takes commitment, involvement, and work to benefit from school. These same qualities are needed if you want a good, productive relationship with your roommates.
A successful roommate situation requires good communication. Take time to talk frequently to each other. Chatting with each other helps keep up the basic relationship which can provide the underpinning for a harmonious relationship. Let each other know who you are and what's happening in your life. If something in the household is bothering you (it's too noisy to sleep, someone is drinking your milk, the house/room is too messy, etc.) talk it over with your roommate(s) as soon as possible. Be honest in telling your roommate what your needs are in the household.
Keep communicating. Try to talk things out on a regular basis. There are various ways to keep in touch with your roommates:
Don't be dismayed if you find yourself in conflict with your roommate(s). Disagreements between people are inevitable, especially in a roommating situation where people live together and interact on a daily basis. Conflicts usually occur when changes are needed and when behaviors, thoughts and feelings need to be re-examined. Don't be afraid to confront your roommates about what is bothering you. If you know how to deal with conflict positively and productively, all involved can benefit from the situation.
These steps sound very simple but to make them work you need to know how to fight fair. The key to successful dispute resolution is effective communication. To resolve conflict, communicate with each other on a one-to-one equal basis and avoid behavior that will break down communication.
Despite your best efforts, it may happen that a roommate simply refuses to participate in efforts to overcome the problems which divide you. Even in such unfortunate circumstances, steps can be taken to keep in check the financial and other risks which may be present and minimize the hard feelings between you.
First, the effort to communicate on your part should continue at least as to the matters relating to your joint responsibility, i.e., payment of bills, observance of rules and regulations of your apartment lease, dorm, etc.
Second, contact your landlord and/or dorm C.A. about any situation which may jeopardize your relationship with the landlord or the University.
Third, without assuming sole responsibility for rent and utilities, you should consider taking control of these accounts to insure that additional expenses are not incurred for which you can be held accountable.
Fourth, control you temper. Retaliation will not only certainly make the situation worse; it may be illegal and subject you to court action or a criminal complaint.
Finally, realize that roommates can and have survived despite not liking each other. "Getting along" in some cases means agreeing to disagree or reaching an understanding where each party goes his or her own way with minimal contact with or interference from the other.
Friends can make good listeners and good mediators.
Community Hall Advisors (CA's) and Counselors will help University housed students deal with roommate problems (available in each Hall).
Counseling & Student Development Center provides psychological, vocational and academic counseling for students (Campus Life Building, 815-753-1206).
Mental Health Program provides psychological and psychiatric counseling for students (University Health Service, 815-753-1311).
Psychology Clinic provides psychological services for the communiversity (Psych Math Building, 815-753-0591).
Counseling Laboratory provides counseling for the communiversity (Graham Hall, 815-753-0657).
Ombudsman provides mediation (Holmes Student Center, 815-753-1414).
Students' Legal Assistance provides mediation and legal information but cannot represent one student against another (Campus Life Building 120, 815-753-1701).
If you are thinking of moving out of your apartment because of roommate or other trouble, or your roommate is thinking of moving out or has moved out already, it is best to get legal assistance concerning the situation immediately. The most common legal issues presented when a roommate leaves are the respective obligations of the parties to pay rent and/or utilities and the rights of the departed roommate to sublet his or her share of the apartment. The answers to these questions depends on a variety of factors including applicable provisions in your lease, any written and/or oral agreements made by you as roommates, the reasons why the departed roommate left, etc. Generally speaking, a departed roommate continues to have the legal duty to pay his or her share of rent and utilities, but also has the legal right to sublet. Specific circumstances may change the legal position of the parties, however. Again, consult an attorney.
* Gratitude is expressed to the University of Colorado Student Union Off Campus Housing Office for use of materials.